If you, like me, cringe when the day is fast approaching to attend yet another social event. In the past I arrived early and left as soon as I could make a stealth exit.
Now that I am retired from the healthcare and education sector and folks my age are not getting married—at least not with large weddings, I now how some trivia up my sleeve to share. Some of these are not suitable for all folks, or all occasions so please use wisely.
1. Raindrops
You emerge from the grocery store wearing a tank top, shorts and new sneakers to a raging downpour. You gage the distance to your car which is parked a state away and wonder if your ice cream is melting. No fear, once those droplets turn into large plops, the rain will cease in 30 seconds.
2. Elbows
One cannot kiss one’s elbow. I know you just tried to do it.
3. Tongues
We also cannot touch our tongue to out nose unless you’re related to the singer in Kiss.
4. Fire ants
When you come to Florida, be forewarned of the tiny, but mighty fire ants. These miniscule red ants will bite with vengeful meanness. I have had them crawl inside my yellow sneakers, attack toes in sandals and bring their friends. Look down when walking. Witch hazel does relieve the sting but be careful of developing an allergic reaction.
5. Love bugs
If visiting Florida in April or September, well first—do not. Avoid driving near dawn or dusk. If you must, stay in the center lane—these stinkers lay low in the grass by the shoulders and will attack your headlights and windows. Resist turning on the wipers and windshield fluid. Your car’s windshield will have these loving mating bugs smashed forever as a symbol for your ignorance.
6. Cats predicting the weather
Scientifically and through observation I know this to be true. However, the following Instagram post is quite questionable. A poster stated when cats wash their ears, rain or a storm is on the horizon. Hmm, I have had these intelligent beings since age two and I see daily ear washing and no way, daily rain. However, felines possess any uncanny sense of hearing and can feel the atmospheric changes before humans do. They go on alert, ears lifted and facing the door seconds to a minute before someone’s arrival. Seeing your cat jump off their chair to a low crouched position and slither to my bedroom to hide under the covers, is haunting and amusing.
I had two more but deleted them to not hurt someone’s feeling. They are about Christmas and Easter. Teaser: the Goddess Eastre brings spring and fertility. Think the females’ ovum (egg) and the bunny’s rapid procreation of little ones.
Feel free to comment on either or both of these holidays or write your own. If you do, tag me, please.
Use these, or not, at boring times when a laugh or an awe is needed. Please comment with your helpful trivia.
Love this one Jann!